The Worst


This is the worst day in the history of men. In the history of women. And children, and goats, and lambs, and lions, and giraffes, and clouds, and plumes of smoke, and lungs, and cancer, and boogers, and snot, and piss, and sweat, and tears, and bright ideas, and dimwits, and lampshades, and frosted windows, and frosted flakes, and gluten-free pizza, and garbage cans, and compost bins, and Kleenex, and Post-Its, and felt-tip markers, and pencils in coffee mugs, and styrofoam peanuts, and almonds, and shots of wheat grass, and chocolate starfish, and corral reefs, and electric eels, and USB adapters, and severed spinal cords, and uteri, and periods, and semicolons, and complete assholes.